


Without Fear we are Nothing

by BillieTheKid



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Family, Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-28
Updated: 2014-04-11
Packaged: 2018-01-17 09:20:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1382203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BillieTheKid/pseuds/BillieTheKid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Robb lies to Jon about his feelings for him and while he is drifting to sleep thinks about different experiences and situations they have found themselves in over the course of their 2 year friendship. Maybe just maybe Robb can get over his trust issues and be happy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Unchained

When asked what propelled him to lie to the man he loved and tell the utter truth to another, he always seemed to come up blank. He could say that he was protecting Jon or he could say that he didn’t want to ruin their friendship but that would again be lying. Robb was beginning to think he was a compulsive liar and in a way it made sense. In actual fact it was a little bit of everything that made Robb lie about his feelings for Jon. It was the way Jon smiled to himself sometimes, it was the sound of his laugh and the glint in his brown eyes when he was talking about Arya his younger sister, it was his walk and his talk, but most of all it was everything that Jon was and everything that he knew Jon would become that made him lie. He couldn’t lose the best thing that had ever happened to him, he just couldn’t. So if that meant lying to Jon and to himself to an extent then so be it.

It was so hard to believe that Jon and Robb had only known each other for two years. They knew everything about each other. Robb knew that Jon hated pepperoni on his pizzas and that he hated loud noises partially due to the fact of his upbringing in a dysfunctional family. Jon knew that Robb had trust issues and that he was allergic to cats. But most importantly Jon was the only person to really know and understand Robb. Jon was the only person who knew he was gay. It wasn’t so much a secret really he had just never found the right time or words to tell his family. He was scared! There was now denying it he loved them and he wanted them to be proud of him so he thought it better to just not say anything. Jon was the first and only person he told and it had taken him 8 months to work up the courage to be upfront about who he was. 

He remembered that night perfectly as if it were yesterday. They had just arrived back at Jon’s house after a particularly hard day at college and were so exhausted they had chucked their bags in the corner and crawled into Jon’s double bed almost immediately. They always shared the bed, it was just something they did and didn’t think about it at all. To any other person it might be weird or unnatural but to them it was normal. It was a double bed anyway so there was plenty of room for the two of them. They were talking about everything and nothing all at once when the question had arisen.

‘Are you interested in any of the girls at college then Robb?’ Jon had asked ever so casually.

‘Not really at the moment’ he replied quickly, keeping his face almost emotionless and unreadable but Jon always knew him to well. Robb didn’t know whether it was the fact that he had replied too quickly or let an emotion creep across his face but Jon knew when Robb was lying or uncomfortable or sad or not telling him something. Bottom line was Jon knew Robb better then anyone and he knew something was wrong.

‘There’s something you’re not telling me Robin’ he countered. Jon had always called Robb Robin, he wasn’t sure whether it was kind of a joke or mocking gesture but Robb loved it.

‘Emm Jon I’m kind of …….. well you know, not interested in women’ Robb spluttered. After his confession Robb could feel bile rising in his throat as he waited for a response and some sort of validation from his best friend. He didn’t think he could bear being rejected by his best friend.

‘Ah why didn’t you just say mate’ Jon said giving him a wink at the same time. ‘So same question except are you interested in any lads at college?’ he persisted. 

Robb was relieved that Jon accepted him and got halfway through his reply before his voice cracked. It was strange talking to someone about all the things he had kept locked away for so long and it affected Robb. Jon was his confidant the only one who truly knew him and in a way they were connected. 

That night when he was back in his own bed and drifting asleep all he could think about was how he was free, how Jon had unchained him and set him free. Jon now knew Robb was gay but that was as far as it would go. There were so many events that had led to Robb’s outright refusal to admit to Jon how he felt and when he thought back to every single one of them he thought maybe just maybe Jon might feel the same way. The first image that springs to mind for Robb is the very first day the two of them meet and became inseparable within minutes.


	2. The Beginning of Autumn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first day of college and the beginning of everything.

The day Robb’s life had changed for the better was the 2nd of October at exactly 9:07 am. He could recall nearly every detail about that day. It had been a pretty monotonous morning, a morning like any other. He had dragged himself out of bed, dressed in what he thought was appropriate attire for his first day of college, scoffed down a bowl of cereal and then drove himself to school as he had done for his whole last year of secondary school. He had been waved off by his smiling family as they wandered inwardly to themselves where the years had gone. Robb was excited but to say he was nervous would have been an understatement. Robb was popular when he was in secondary school, he was on the both the soccer and basketball teams, the student council and the school magazine all of which valued his presence greatly. But he knew that college was different, nothing you did before mattered and that was what had him on edge. Would he fit in? Would he like his classes? Would he be the weird loner that people generally avoided? God there was so many ‘what ifs’ that Robb thought he might have a panic attack. Luckily for him that didn’t happen and he made it to his first lecture without fleeing back to his house, his safe haven where nothing could hurt him.

After an uneventful drive he pulled up to the college and was stunned by the size and appearance of the place he would spend most of his time for the next 4 years. The campus was huge about 5 times the size of his secondary school and it took Robb a good 15 minutes to walk from the car park to his first lecture. He wasn’t rushing however, he was strolling slowly through the campus taking in every detail he could like where the library was or the sports grounds or even if there was any shortcuts that would make his life easier. It was a warm autumn day and Robb marvelled at the colours of the trees beginning to change. The resilient greens being replaced by the wonderful hues of orange, yellow and red always amazed him and that day was no different. He noticed that nearly everyone on the campus was walking in pairs or groups and that made him a little heavyhearted and a whole lot more nervous. He eventually found his lecture room and wandered in hesitantly like an animal about to face their death. He had sat up near the front, a decision now that he was pleased about. He didn’t want to look too eager but Robb had always enjoyed Biology and he wanted to do as well as he could in the class for he knew he would probably struggle in his other mandatory lectures.

#

Jon hated the thought of going to college. He hated the thought of the early mornings and the assignment’s, the lectures and the expectations but most of all he hated the thoughts of having to be social, having to interact and be civil to people. Jon was once a sociable guy but after his mother had died he kind of became a recluse. He stayed locked away in his room for long periods of time and the only person who he talked to and shared secrets with was his little sister Arya. Arya was 3 years his junior at the sweet age of 15 and she was his life, the only thing that mattered to him. Jon only cared about her and her wellbeing. He made her breakfast lunch and dinner, made sure she went to school and pretty much took full responsibility of her just as a parent would. Their dad had become depressed after their mother had passed and he had never regained his composure. He spent most of his days moping around or drinking although he did less of that ever since Jon had removed all the liquor from the house. Jon and Arya had become used to this and it was just another fact of their lives. Their mother was dead and their father was mostly absent and that was just how things’ were.

Jon got the bus that day and had sat uninterested and glum near the back of the bus. The bus always made him cringe but over the years he learned to deal with it. He had always planned to learn how to drive but that notion had quickly left his head after his mother’s car had been ploughed off the road by a drunk driver at 12 o’clock in the day. So he sat and stared at the passing houses, some gloriously beautiful, others falling to bits and in need of a good repair. He didn’t know what to expect from college but the last thing he ever thought would happen to him was about to occur. He would not just be introduced to a new life, he would be introduced in many ways to his best friend, his person and his soul-mate for all intents and purposes.

Jon took the same path as Robb to get to the lecture even if he didn’t realise it at the time. He took the same route through the campus square across the park and recreational area, he admired the same trees and sites and he had seen the same people wandering around the campus as Robb had. Before he knew it he was standing face to face with the doors leading to his first lecture. He took a deep breath and entered hoping to avoid any major problems and willing himself to make at least one friend. 

# 

Robb who would not argue about the fact that he had a short attention span was fiddling with his watch or doodling on a page or biting the top of his pen while he waited for the class to begin. That was what he was doing before some rogue classmate of his decided to ignore all the free seats around him and sit right next to him, that’s correct not one seat down but right flipping next to Robb. They both kept to their side of the table but couldn’t help bumping into each other’s elbows from time to time and Robb was becoming more irritated by the moron every minute.

Robb was fuming by the end, how dare this stranger invade his personal space and distract him for the majority of his favourite class. He was angry, that was until he actually looked at the guy who had made him so aggravated. He was tall and he possessed a pair of beautiful hazel eyes, his hair was in need of a haircut and his unruly curls fell over his face hiding the sharpness of his jaw, he had a nice smile and dimples that anyone with decent eyesight could see a mile away. He was meticulous in the packing of his bag, making sure that all his possessions were in their correct section of his schoolbag and double checking he hadn’t forgot anything. His skin was pale and looked like it would sunburn easily, a thing that Robb had never had to deal with as he had mildly sallow skin that he had inherited from his father. Robb was just a tiny bit startled at the extent to which he had studied the stranger beside him, but he just told himself that he was observant and he could admire exceptional traits in a person. He was not checking the guy out and that was final!

It looked as if they would part ways without a word and then suddenly and out of nowhere the strange boy began to talk.  
‘I hope you don’t mind that I sat beside you today, didn’t fancy being on my own and you looked the most approachable! I’m Jon by the way’

Robb was jolted by how smooth his voice was and that speech seemed to come easy to him as it never had to Robb. He had not been expecting to have a conversation with his mysterious lecture companion but Robb found himself smiling and nodding and forgetting about the anger he had felt just minutes before.

‘Ah hi eeem I’m Robb and no problem I could use a lecture buddy anyway’ Oh God was the first thing that crept into Robb’s mind as he cringed and waited for Jon to reply. Had he actually used the words lecture buddy? Really Robb felt like he could kick himself at how stupid he sounded. Then Robb became shocked at the way he was scolding himself, he had never cared what he said to anyone before now, so why was this any different? 

‘Yeah that would be nice I suppose, see you tomorrow then yeah?’ Jon replied after a moment’s hesitation. He flashed Robb a fleeting smile and then he was gone. 

Robb was left standing speechless in the middle of the nearly empty lecture hall and he wondered what had just happened. Had he gained a friend or lecture buddy as he had termed it? He sure hoped he had. 

#

Jon entered the classroom and proceeded to take in his surroundings. He was beginning to feel a tad bit overwhelmed by the view in front of him. He stood and gawked at the colossal lecture hall that could easily hold about 500 students. It was only half full and consisted of desks, chairs and a power point projector. People were sitting in groups or in twos and everyone seemed to have a partner in crime except for one guy who looked a little lost, a little scared and a whole lot of interesting. He debated for what felt like forever about whether he should disturb the forlorn looking student or leave him be. Then he came to the conclusion that he could gain a friend out of it if and if not then so be it, there was no harm done. Jon was shy by nature but he didn’t want to be alone for the next couple of years, so he cautiously began making his way towards the second row where the mysterious guy was sitting. 

He had second thoughts immediately after sitting down but he couldn’t exactly just get up and move seats. He didn’t want to offend the guy, the guy who he had chosen to be his friend. So he sat in silence beside him for the whole of the hour lecture without uttering a word to him. By the end, it was clear that the guy was mildly annoyed at Jon and he felt like he should apologise or introduce himself, so that’s what he did.  
After their 5 second conversation Jon had felt the need to flee, he did not know why or what had made him feel so uncomfortable but he had just needed to get out of their so he had uttered a goodbye and practically ran from the room. It was clear that they would sit beside each other for any future Biology lectures but that was the extent to which both of them thought their relationship would go. That was until their next biology lecture where they connected and began to trust each other.


	3. Startling Answers

Robb was running, well jogging technically and doing a horrific job of it he thought as he dropped his books and pens for what must have been the fourth time that morning. He had woken with a start and glared daggers at his old and useless alarm clock while he groaned inwardly. It was 8:30 and that could only mean one thing, he was late! Having gathered his materials in record time he flew out the door not looking back at the puzzled looks he was receiving from his family. It was a comical situation really and one Robb knew he would find himself in sooner or later, he just figured it would be later. It was only his third day of college and he was already making a fool of himself. It was as he was driving that a thought occurred to him. He would get to see Jon as their second biology lecture was scheduled for after lunch. He smiled and half laughed at himself as he realised he had never been this excited to see someone, let alone someone whom he had literally only meet 2 days previous. He shrugged off the niggling feeling that told him he had felt different around Jon, lighter, and went back to humming along to the radio. 

#

Jon on the other hand was woken up at a respectable time by his little sister. She had been his alarm clock for the past couple of years and he often wondered aloud whether she ever slept. She never gave him an answer and usually just laughed at him. Her laugh was the single most adorable thing you could ever hear and the sound always cheered Jon up no matter what. He was slouching at his kitchen counter groggily eating a slice of dry toast when alarm bells started ringing in his head. He had biology today and that meant, well that meant that he would get to talk to his only friend, Robb. He must have had a dazed look on his face because Arya stared to squeal and interrogate him.

‘Who is she Jon, who are you thinking about?’ she almost howled with excitement as he proceeded to blush and nearly choke on his toast.

‘What are you on about Arya’ he countered far too fast than was excusable.

‘You haven’t had that look on your face since you were convinced you were in love with Ygritte almost three years ago! Soooooo what’s her name?’ 

‘There’s no girl therefore there’s no name’ he mumbled and he thought he had a logically argument with that one but Arya was stubborn and clearly wasn’t going to let it go.

‘I don’t believe you for a minute, who were you thinking about then’ she insisted.

‘Fine’ Jon sighed ‘I was just thinking about one of the lads I sit beside in my biology lectures, he seems nice enough and I’ll probably see him today. You know as well as I do I don’t make friends easily so I guess I’m just happy you know?’

‘Awwww my Jonny has a friend! What’s his name?’ she was jumping up and down animatedly and Jon couldn’t keep her in suspense any longer.

‘It’s Robb’ he thought for a moment and realised he didn’t know his second name; he made a note to find that out today. What he did not know however was that he wouldn’t find out his second name but something entirely different and more personal. 

‘Oh nice name you better tell me everything about him after college, you better get a move on if you want to be on time’ she smiled and then she was gone, it was like she had just disappeared. That was one of Arya’s talents she was quick and light on her feet. Jon shrugged and made his way to the bus stop trying not to seem to eager to get to college.

#

Robb was sitting in the same spot as before but this time he was glancing at the door every couple of minutes to see if Jon had arrived. He scolded himself though as he realised he was acting like an excited child. He was a grown man, how could he get so excited about seeing someone he asked himself. Just then Jon strolled looking oblivious to everyone in the hall, Robb’s breathe caught in his throat as he studied the young man. Jon was wearing what looked like the worlds tightest fitting jeans, a baggy hoodie and he had his schoolbag flung lazily over his shoulder, he also looked like hell. The light was shining gracefully over his hair and he looked nearly angelic as he collapsed into the seat beside Robb with a thud. He looked even worse close up and Robb debated saying something about it. But they weren’t close, they weren’t best friends and it really was none of his business why the boy hadn’t slept.

‘Hey’ Jon said just as Robb finished his internal struggle.

‘Hey, how are you?’ Robb quickly asked not wanting to seem startled. 

‘Alright, you know yourself just tired is all?’ Jon had replied all the while covering his mouth with his hand while he yawned. 

‘Why are you tired?’ Robb said seemingly without thinking.

‘I don’t sleep very well, I haven’t since, well I haven’t since’ there was a long pause and Robb could see that the boy was debating whether to tell the truth or to just lie. Robb was about to dismiss the question when Jon surprised him and revealed something brutally honest about himself ‘emm well not since my mam died’ he had said quickly and it seemed he had also shocked himself with his honesty. He looked away and seemed mildly uncomfortable. He was avoiding eye contact with Robb but that was only until Robb spoke again.

‘Sorry to hear that mate, I lost a cat once’ Robb had said with a cheeky smile and the two young men stared at each other for some time before breaking into large grins and turning around to pay attention to the lecturer.

Of course loosing someone is hard Robb thought to himself and he felt pride in knowing that Jon had been honest with him. They hadn’t known each other for more than five minutes and already Jon had divulged a piece of very personal information to Robb. Robb thought he might explode with joy and wondered where this new friendship would lead. 

#

Jon had nearly fainted when he had realised what he had just done. He had told a complete stranger about the most difficult thing he had ever experienced. What’s more is he had done it so freely and that had scared him. Robb had responded with humour and a part of Jon was glad he hadn’t scared the other boy away. After all who wants to be involved with a person who has more emotional baggage than most people twice his age? But to his surprise his past was quickly forgotten and the conversation and banter between them flowed effortlessly for the whole lecture. There was no doubt in Jon’s mind that the two boys would become inseparable and he quiet looked forward to that idea. He knew he had a friend to support him and he also knew he would do anything for Robb.


	4. The Breakfast Club

The months following on from the conversation that had made them inseparable were boring and bland to say the least. College was hard and both boys realised they would have to actually put effort into their work if they wanted to succeed. They could no longer sit back and take it easy. The days generally dragged and the only good thing to come out of the experience was the group of friends they had acquired. Some people talked about and commented on how mismatched their group of friends were and if the truth were told they were all unique and special (these were the words used for the loners, freaks and unpopular kids) in their own way. They were all misfits, all misunderstood and all a little bit crazy, but Robb and Jon loved their company nearly as much as they loved each other’s. 

The first friend they had made besides each other was a large and rather unattractive girl name Brienne Tarth. She was placed in their lab science group one afternoon and had somehow become a permanent feature in their lives. Robb and Jon both agreed that it took a while to warm to her but as Jon had said she was harmless and much the same as them in terms of popularity. It was clear to anyone that Brienne had had a hard time in secondary school and her self-confidence was at an all-time low by the time she reached college. Jon hoped and prayed he could help her realise that she was worth something, after all if Jon could come back from rock bottom anyone could. 

Theon Greyjoy was next to join the band of misfits. He was on the outside a regular young man, he was the same height as Robb and had the same colour hair as Jon if not a little bit brighter. He was funny and outrageously crude most of the time but he made the days seem shorter and he certainly increased the amount of laughter in the group. He was kind and genuine but it was clear to everyone that no matter how normal he seemed he had been through something unpleasant. No-one knew what it was and they didn’t pry for they all had baggage, even Robb the model student. 

The band of misfits was beginning to look a bit like the cast of The Breakfast Club and with the addition of Jaime Lannister the idea was only reinforced. He was tall and confident, a trait the others had never had. He had blonde-brown hair that bleached in the summer and dark eyes that could penetrate your strongest inner defences. Why he had come to join the gang no one knew only that maybe it had something to do with Brienne. It was an unlikely explanation everyone thought but the way he looked at her told a different story. Jaime was your typical frat boy who had all the characteristics in order to become popular. He didn’t seem to want that life however and the group came to realise early on the only things that mattered to Jaime were his family, his friends, trust and loyalty. 

Every friend they made was important but perhaps the most important friends they made in the short time they spent at college were Renly Baratheon and Loras Tyrell. They were in the same year as the rest only they were not studying science, Renly was doing business in the hopes of inheriting his father’s business and Loras was doing sports psychology in the hopes of furthering his career in sport. They were quiet well known around campus for their work with the LGBT group. Rumour had it that they had been together for 5 years and had only ever been with each other. That fact seemed about right to everyone as it meant they were 14 when they meet and had stayed together ever since. It was blindingly obvious to everyone that they were a couple. They looked at each other with such affection that it would warm your heart and everyone agreed they were made for each other. Renly was never seen without Loras and vice versa. Their love was real and inspirational, a love that was fit for a fairy tale. The effect of the couple’s presence on the group was minute but over time it would grow and in some cases help the others to come to terms with their demons. 

The group became unsurprisingly close and they could rely on each other for support and a good time. They were beginning to learn the mannerisms and personality traits of each other and the results were surprising. They group quickly realised that Brienne was never without her phone, her sick father being one of the reasons for her constant need to be easy to contact. Theon never made eye contact with strangers although the group hadn’t gotten to the bottom of that yet. Jaime always wove his brother into the conversation no matter what they were talking about and part of Jon thought it was nice that he was so proud of Tyrion. God knows Jon was proud of Arya. Renly took great pride in helping others but was clearly uncomfortable when he was praised or thanked for his work. Loras on the other hand was the complete opposite basking in the glory of being appreciated. However, it was not what Jon and Robb noticed about the others that was important it was what the others noticed about them that was interesting, very interesting.


End file.
